Hundreds of thousands of people in Canada are members of Costco. I was fortunate be be interviewed for the November/December 2009 issue. See a link to the article here.
http://www.costcoconnection.ca/connectioncaeng/20091112/?folio=23

Many experts view Emotional Intelligence (EQ) as critical to success in leadership, as well as in other aspects of life. One of the 15 attributes that comprise Emotion Intelligence is assertiveness. Assertiveness, not surprisingly, is closely linked with self-confidence. It is an important quality for leaders but, as is often the case, too much of a good thing can be bad.

We’ve all seen managers who are literally off the scale when it comes to being "assertive". These people probably believe it is their job to be the strong, decisive boss who will never back down or show a moment’s hesitation. In an effort to establish authority, they constantly exercise their brand of assertiveness through loud bravado, and by browbeating both subordinates and peers into submission. Their attacks are often personally directed and publicly delivered. The word, in fact, that best describes them is “bully.”

There are several reasons why a boss may become a bully. He may have an outdated view of what good leadership entails. Or, he could simply lack self-confidence. The journal "Psychological Science" recently published a paper entitled “When the Boss Feels Inadequate”. The researchers claim that leaders who feel in over their heads resort to browbeating to protect their egos. When people feel incompetent in a high powered position, actual aggression kicks in. (Anyone who experienced schoolyard bullies as a child will recognize the truth in this concept.)

There’s a big difference between people who can assert the ideas they believe in, and those who aggressively attack those who differ in opinion. In their book, "The EQ Edge", Steven J. Stein and Howard E. Book describe the difference between assertiveness and aggression. Assertiveness is the ability to express your feelings and thoughts, and stand up for your beliefs and rights. It infers, however, that you are able to do so without being abusive (i.e., you respect the other person) and while remaining open to new ideas (i.e., you are able to change your mind or seek “win/win”).

If you find yourself reacting to those around you in an inflexible and aggressive manner, it may be a sign that you are trying to compensate for your own perceived shortcomings, or confusing healthy assertiveness with a need to appear infallible. Even good leaders can be wrong; great leaders can, first, accept their shortcomings and, second, enlist the support and talents of their team to compensate for their own weaknesses.

Whether you think you are on the giving or receiving end of aggressive behavior, Stein and Book offer some great insights and exercises in "The EQ Edge". It’s definitely worth the read.

To paraphrase an old adage, praise is cheap. It costs nothing to give (except a few moments of time) and can yield high pay-offs in job satisfaction and increased individual performance. But that doesn’t mean it should be applied indiscriminately and with a broad brush. In fact, research shows that indiscriminant praise actually lowers performance.

I’ve read a lot lately about such pitfalls of praise. Much of this writing relates to the newest generation to hit the workforce. Some of these workers are characterized as being fragile in the face of criticism and in need of constant praise, even when their work is mediocre. I’ve seen more than one writer lay blame at the feet of the child psychologists of the past few decades who convinced parents, teachers and coaches that everyone should get a ribbon just for showing up. In some writers’ minds, society has created a disconnection between hard work, success and reward. While they make a good point, I think there are at least two things to consider when it comes to praise.

Number one: We all need praise and recognition. Praise raises our self esteem. To bestow praise only on the highest performers is to de-motivate the rest of your workforce. And only motivated employees will ever reach their potential.

Number two: Praise should be based on desired behaviors as well as results. In other words, you don’t have to wait for a home run to cheer. Let’s face it, we’re not all equally gifted and we can’t all knock it out of the park. The good things an employee does en route to achieving results are important, are largely under their control and are praiseworthy.

Some tips for praising employees:
1. Praise often. Go ahead. Make their day or, at least, their week.
2. Avoid vague praise as a rule. Although it’s good to toss out a heartfelt “Great job!” when targets are achieved, if you consistently give vague praise for mediocre performance, you reinforce mediocrity. The person has no way of sorting the good behaviors from the bad, and no reason to seek improvement.
3. On the flip side, praise specific behaviors that you’d like to see repeated.
4. If you can’t find something specific to praise, maybe you need to get to know the person and their work better. Invest time. Help them set targets, coach them on good habits and help them lock those habits in through praise.

Praise is indeed cheap. But, we can still treat it as a valuable resource.